Hurt Part I–Acknowledge It!

July 11, 2024

Hurt Part I—Acknowledge It!

I am struggling right now.  There are people in my life who are living with stressed and strained relationships.  Often times, those relationships are with family members.  Sometimes those relationships are with someone at work, someone living next door, or someone in their church.  I feel sad for them!

For some, the stress and strain in those relationships has gone on for days.  For others, the stress and strain has gone on for weeks.  And sadly, for too many, the stress and strain has gone on for months…maybe even years.

A few people have sat down on several occasions to have a face-to-face conversation with the hope of bringing resolution to the problem.  Sadly, it is easier to avoid addressing the hurt that we feel because of what the other person has done or said. 

Sometimes the other person does not even know there is a problem.  If they do feel there might be something wrong, often they have no real idea what the problem is or when it happened.  The consequence is the stress and strain of the injured relationship continues on and on and on. 

When we are the aggrieved party, it is easy to use our woundedness to make assumptions about the other person.  We can make assumptions about their motives, their words, and their character.  We can think;

They don’t care how I feel!

They want me to feel inadequate or even unwanted!

They want it this way! 

They want me to feel guilty!

When we are the one who has been hurt, we can make excuses why we should not be the person who initiates the first step towards reconciliation.  We can convince ourselves we do not have the time, reconciliation is not worth the effort, and the other person will hurt us again.

Assumptions and excuses and a refusal to have a face-to-face conversation lead to most all of the stresses and strains we experience in our relationships with other people.  We quickly end up with regrets and wounds and maybe even some guilt. 

Slowly our hurt transforms into frustration and anger.  The anger slowly morphs into resentment and bitterness and other things that slowly destroy the peace and joy and love in our soul.  Without engaging in the work of reconciliation, we miss out on more and more of what Jesus intends our lives and our love to be.

Jesus has some things to say about working for reconciliation in our relationships with other people.  In Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus says; “If one of my followers sins against you, go and point out what was wrong. But do it in private, just between the two of you.  If that person listens, you have won back a follower.  But if that one refuses to listen, take along one or two others.  The Scriptures teach that every complaint must be proven true by two or more witnesses.  If the follower refuses to listen to them, report the matter to the church.  Anyone who refuses to listen to the church must be treated like an unbeliever or a tax collector.”

Jesus says there are some things we can and should do to ease the stress and strain in a relationship so eventually there can be reconciliation and possibly even restoration.  Let’s look at one of those action steps right now.

First, Jesus says we are to acknowledge we have been hurt by the other person. 

Whether we have been slighted or offended in some way, been the victim of physical, verbal, or psychological abuse, or been hurt by gossip, jealously, or envy it is important to acknowledge/admit we have been hurt.

In Matthew 18:15 Jesus says; “If one of my followers sins against you…”  To acknowledge another person has hurt me helps my heart, mind, and soul to come into agreement that something has happened that has caused me pain.

The first step in acknowledging we have been hurt (or that we have hurt another person) is to remember there is no one who is perfect except Jesus.  This simple truth helps us to understand why we and others do and say things that inflict pain on other people.  We are not perfect; we are sinners in need of God’s amazing grace, tender mercy, and full forgiveness. 

Sometimes the harm that has been done is unintentional.  Other times the harm is carefully calculated and meticulously executed for the purpose of causing pain.  No matter what the motive, the point is we make mistakes in our relationships and we hurt one another.

Acknowledging that we have been hurt is not always easy because it is not difficult to convince ourselves we have not really been hurt by the other person.  We can rationalize, excuse, and suppress the pain so we do not have to deal with it.  We can deny that we were hurt or even blame ourselves for the pain. 

When we fail to acknowledge the pain caused by another person, the pain will eventually re-surface.  When that happens, we often become the new perpetrator of inflicting harm on other people.  It is important to take the first step in the journey of reconciliation by acknowledging we have been hurt by the other person.

As we take the first step of acknowledging we have been hurt by another person, it is important to get as specific as possible in defining the nature of the pain we feel.  However, most of us struggle in describing what we feel when we have been hurt. 

Intense pain makes describing the feelings associated with that pain more difficult.  We may need to visit with a good friend, the small group of which we are a part, or a counselor.  It’s difficult to engage the process of reconciliation after I have been hurt if I cannot describe the hurt to myself or to the other person.

Jesus says acknowledging that I have been hurt is the first step towards reconciliation.  It is not an easy step, but it is a foundational step for all our attempts at reconciliation.  My prayer is for those I know and those you know who are stuck in a relationship filled with stress and strain because there has been no reconciliation. 

I wonder if you and I can help that person acknowledge the feelings associated with the harm that has been done to them so they can finally move beyond the woundedness they feel.  When that happens, the Holy Spirit will begin to fill our hearts with delight in the Lord. 

In the end, it is important to remember it is the life and death of Jesus on a cross that makes possible all reconciliation.  

Take Delight In The Lord!

Doug